A Bad Day For Voodoo
by Jeff Strand
published June 5th 2012 by Sourcebooks
When your best friend is just a tiny bit psychotic, you should never actually believe him when he says, "Trust me. This is gonna be awesome."
Of course, you probably wouldn't believe a voodoo doll could work either. Or that it could cause someone's leg to blow clean off with one quick prick. But I've seen it. It can happen.
And when there's suddenly a doll of YOU floating around out there—a doll that could be snatched by a Rottweiler and torn to shreds, or a gang of thugs ready to torch it, or any random family of cannibals (really, do you need the danger here spelled out for you?)—well, you know that's just gonna be a really bad day ...
This or That (Supernatural Edition)
Find out Jeff’s preferences of all things that go against the laws of nature.
1. Who would win in a fight: a vampire or a werewolf?
Neither. I truly believe that if they just talked out their issues, they could resolve everything without having to resort to violence. Everybody's a winner!
2. Which would you rather have explode, your ear or your toe?
Every time one of my toes explodes it puts me in a crabby mood for at least a couple of days, so I'm going to say my ear.
3. DC or Marvel Comics?
Are DC and Marvel Comics supernatural? Wow. That explains everything!
4. Who would you rather fight in a battle, a magical gypsy or a zombie?
A zombie. One good poke in the head with a pitchfork and they’re no longer a problem. Whereas a magical gypsy...well, that’s where you find yourself clucking like a chicken for the rest of your life.
5. Casper or Bloody Mary?
Well, Casper the Friendly Ghost has "friendly" right there in his name, so I'd much rather fight him in a battle because he'd probably be all nice and stuff while you were beating him up.
6. Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde?
Is the question still who I would rather fight in a battle? Would anybody pick Mr. Hyde? I mean, that's like asking if I'd rather fight Bruce Banner or The Hulk. Of course I'd pick Dr. Jekyll--he's a total wuss. If that's not what you were asking then I might have to revise my Casper answer above.
7. Would you rather have the power transfiguration or invisibility?
Transfiguration, because not only could I change into something really cool, like a hippopotamus, but I could find a loophole in this question and transform myself into an invisible man! Ha!
8. What’s harder to find, a working pay phone or ten thousand dollars?
Though my characters are desperately searching for a pay phone at one point in the book, in real life I have a nice shiny iPhone. Not the latest model, but nice and shiny nevertheless. So it’s been several years since I’ve used a pay phone, and for all I know every pay phone in the country is covered with slime and infested by bloodthirsty wasps. But I’ve also never just found ten thousand dollars lying around. This question is too hard!!! I have to skip it!!!
9. What would make a better getaway car, a minivan or a taxi cab?
Let’s be honest—they’re both awful getaway cars. What you want is a helicopter that swoops down and picks you up. One that's just like in the movies where it doesn't make any sound until it pops up in the frame. That would be awesome.
10. Who is more dangerous, a Rottweiler or a family of cannibals?
A family of cannibals, DUR!!!
11. What’s a better weapon, a suitcase or a voodoo doll?
A suitcase filled with voodoo dolls.
12. In 137 years when robots that have taken over the earth would you hide in a junkyard or the sewers?
I feel that when robots have taken over the earth, it's not such a great idea to hide in a place that is littered with the corpses of their fallen friends. That just makes them mad. Sewers have a bad reputation, but you meet lots of interesting people down there. I'd go there even if robots hadn't taken over the earth. That's where I'm answering these questions now.
Well Jeff, I am happy you could take a minute out of your sewer exploration that you are so fond of to whip up this post. Thanks!
Do you agree with Jeff's choices? Disagree? Let me know in the comments!